By City Swooner | April 19th, 2017
Are pick up lines a no-go? Can I wear my lucky ripped jeans? What should we talk about? On a first date, every moment is an opportunity to make or break her first impression of you. So whether you consider yourself a regular Casanova, or a total dating novice who’s prone to faux pas – we could all benefit from a few tips to make sure we ace that crucial first date (and have fun while doing it).
We’re not saying wear a tux, but a bit of effort goes a long way. Think a nice pair of jeans or slacks, an ironed shirt and maybe leave the scruffy runners at home. You only get one chance at a first impression.
Sitting next to each other, holding hands, maybe even a kiss if all goes to plan – dating can be an intimate process. Make sure you are feeling and smelling your best so you are ready to cuddle up to your date without scaring her away. Coming straight from work? A bit of mouthwash and a spritz of deodorant should do the trick, and don’t go overboard with the cologne.
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of creative license with your profile picture, but at least make sure it’s recent. If you’re a bit thin on top, a decade-old picture of you with a head of glossy curls is just false advertising. This isn’t online dating – you’re about to meet her straight away – so any illusions about your height, age or baldness-status will be exposed pretty quickly.
At CitySwoon events you aren’t confined to a table or specific corner of the bar – you can both enjoy your date anywhere you want. Make sure you give the lady the option to choose where she feels most comfortable. It could be on a sofa, at a tall table or even standing at the bar, but being a gentleman and letting her choose is common courtesy and will make sure your date gets off to a good start.
When someone is making up their mind whether they want to date you or not, one of the key things they’re watching for is how you interact with other people. So don’t be shy – move around, chat to different people, that’s what you’re here to do. Just try not to talk with your mouth full.
When it’s time to move onto the next date, thank your current date for her time and remember her name – it will make her feel important and valued. Just see how it feels when she remembers (or doesn’t remember) yours.
Ok, so you’re smartly dressed, looking and feeling great, and you’ve covered the basics above. Now it’s time to really make your date stand out.
Don’t ask the same questions every other guy in the room is asking. If you’re having an interesting conversation, you’ll be able to figure out what she does by context. The three most common questions that are guaranteed to bore your date are: ‘So, what do you do?’, ‘Where do you live?’ and ‘What do you drive?’ People think about these things all day every day – CitySwoon events are about personality, not your resume (or bank balance).
This one’s easy. You can find out far more about someone by letting them talk about something than simply answering Yes or No. As an example – ‘Do you like to travel?’ is almost guaranteed to get a simple ‘Yes’. But asking ‘So, where was your last holiday?’ invites your date to expand on something they probably feel quite passionate about and gives them the freedom to relax into the conversation. And that can lead to tangents which take you both into territory you might not have expected to cover.
Eye contact is the single-biggest (and most undervalued) part of chemistry. Don’t stare at your phone, into the distance or at your feet. Looking into someone’s eyes when they’re telling a story shows you are engaging with them, and as a result, you’ll naturally listen to what they’re saying, rather than just hearing them. You’re also more likely to pick up on subtle humour or sarcasm this way, and the quality of conversation will increase.
Remember that you’re both there to learn about each other. You have 15 minutes, so in theory you should both be talking for about 7 ½ minutes each in total. So don’t just let her talk about herself – volunteer information about you or draw parallels with something she says to your own life. Building common ground is very important.
CitySwoon events are designed to be fun…so look like you’re enjoying yourself and remember that ‘it takes more muscles to frown than to smile’. One of the most attractive qualities in a man is the ability to not take himself too seriously so a bit of self-deprecation never does any harm. Those who laugh together, stay together – so relax and show off your sense of humour.
…and Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t asking you to sell her a pen. There’s no need to go for the hard sell by asking her for her phone number without invitation. CitySwoon’s format means you can message each other through the website after the event, and if it’s mutual enough, you can exchange contact details there. Asking outright for someone’s number might tip her over the edge into saying no, whereas giving her the space and time to decide for herself will result in a better reaction down the line.
“Just be yourself” might be the oldest (and most trite) dating tip in the book. Between trying to tell funny jokes, remembering names and thinking of interesting questions to ask, it can be hard to remember to enjoy yourself. At CitySwoon events, the number one priority is to meet new people, broaden your social circle and have a fun night out. Ladies love nothing more than someone who is confident, fun-loving and not trying too hard – so don’t take these tips, the evening, or yourself too seriously.